With the creation of my new website (whatvaleriethinks.com), I was doing something for fun, something that I felt passionate about, namely movies, TV, books...entertainment basically! Having been told for several years that I had a way with words (though usually by my family, so I always took it with a pinch of salt), I thought, "Yeah, I'm going to have a website on which I can focus my writing and maybe it'll start getting some traction". The Fluffy Pink Cloud Effect
So far so good. I looked forward to everything I watched or read with thoughtful consideration of what I would post about it. Around this time, I started to pick up a few freelance writing jobs, which was so exciting and before I knew it, I was considering myself a bit of a blogger, bit of a writer, bit of a freelancer! Woohoo!
And that's when...it all started to turn.
Like Lord of the Rings: A Dark Shadow Spreads from the East
What "it" turned into is what I can only describe as my own Valerie-specific meltdown. My perfectionism emerged with new strength as never before. Now unlike some people, my perfection does not manifest in a need to do until I get it perfect. Ohhhhh nooo, mine manifests with paralysis. If I can't do it perfectly, I become paralyzed by fear. I became racked with pressure I should be the best and since that's impossible, the only other option is to do nothing. Who's with me???
My mind got in this rut of messages that were saying, "You've missed the boat...You're behind the social media times...everyone else has a great blog but yours is just a pipe-dream".
Pretty heavy, isn't it? It was wearing me down, for sure, this constant self-doubt. And for a time, it actually halted all progress I was making (or so it seemed).
The Cool Balm of Identification
All was not lost, thank goodness! It turns out, it's not just freakish ME that experiences these types of insecurities when it comes to writing. Turns out many (maybe most even?) bloggers and writers out there suffer much of the time with this secret belief that they're not good enough and they're going to get found out. Who knew? I came across a blog entry written by someone who was expressing the same sense of "I don't belong in this group" and yet is also making a living doing it!
What Now, Brown Cow
Knowing I'm not alone in this peculiar writer's mental-prison has helped no end. And now I'm no longer paralyzed (well for today anyway). I'm back into taking action; action that's manageable and also enjoyable. Choosing to live in a perspective of abundance and that there is plenty in the universe for me, for you and really for all of us. And if my writing is only a hobby and occasional freelance job, that's okay too. It's helping me grow in all kinds of ways, even if it doesn't become a big, huge, successful business. Expectations are now more realistic.
Further, I'm trying to get out of my own way, so to speak. And as a friend was talking about just this morning, he doesn't always know what he's supposed to do, so he just tries to do the next right action. So that's my motto for today, just doing the next right action, one at a time.A huge thanks to not only my family and friends, but to wise bloggers like Diana Adams, Brian Clark and Darren Rowse for offering up such helpful articles and links. All of you have helped more than you know, thank you!
Images courtesy of:
http://travel.webshots.com/
http://www.japanator.com/
http://www.dartheart.org
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I completely understand Val. I have been told numerous times over the years that I should write and I am too afraid to because I fear that I am not good enough. Thanks for the inspiration. I think I may just start jotting down some ideas for that book....even if only my family and friends read it! T
ReplyDeleteI too have suffered from this afliction- I didn't know what the problem was until I saw an article in the daily paper that defined a perfectionist procrastinator. I hit nine out of ten on that scale. the solutions are there though-make lists, divide projects into small parts that you can feel good acomplishing and accept that your standards are your standards and you can dial them back when nesessary. it also helps to take on projects that totaly involve you because you find yourself finishing all sorts of other things without noticing the messy details that would be sticky points of perfection issues if you were not so busy
ReplyDeletewhat a wonderfully honest post... I think in whatever we do, for the most part it is enough to enjoy it.. but suddenly when you realise it might actually, really in proper true life be going somewhere.. damn! how did that happen, oh no can't do it! well you know what you have been doing it without realising it... I love what you write and look forward to many more interesting posts both on www.whatvaleriethinks.com and on here... thank you.. :)
ReplyDeleteLet me start off by saying that I think you write well, and I'm not family or friend, (well, maybe a little bit of a friend.(maybe more like an aquaintence with an axe))Anywho, I try to do a little writing myself and I often feel the same way. To me it takes the form of having this great idea and then my execution of said idea always dissappoints me. I read an interview with Woody Allen who said that he is never happy with any of the movies he makes, so I guess it is not uncommon, even with successfull people. I wonder though if Shakespeare ever said to himself "Egad, but I most certainly write a lot of crap" I encourage you to keep at it mainly because I like reading what you write and everyone else can just stick it in their bodkin.
ReplyDeleteGrancar
I'm loving the comments, thanks everyone for taking the time to post them!
ReplyDeleteThe sentence that reads, "I'm trying to get out of my own way" is my favorite one in this whole post. We are all a work in progress in that area I think, and that is one I still struggle with weekly, but we'll get there girl!
ReplyDeleteAnother great post! I'm so impressed. Great job! It's very inspiring.
Diana Adams
I can't thank you enough for this post.
ReplyDelete